inhibit the voltage-dependant sodium channels

People in Europe love my post about A Girl on a Motorcycle. They love the shit outta it. So do people in Brazil and Japan, but mostly Europeans. It's nice, to have a post loved the shit outta-- but that post? It has nothing to do with me and my presence on this Internet. I guess it does, I wrote it.

This is the larger thing, wtf about a presence(6. an invisible spirit felt to be nearby)on the Internet? Should I give a? I haven't for a while and that's obvious. I've stopped updating this tiny address. But, I have just as much right as you to clutter this Internet. It's a goddamn god-given right to clutter the Internet. I'm holding out this small corner, this tiny smog molecule in a dense sky. And I added another site. I thought, to hell with A Girl on a Motorcycle and those Europeans. I'll do something else, something good, something Kate Wyer. And then I stopped; I stopped updating that other smog, too.

"Take on a little contour, for heaven's sake"- Beckett's first play, a failure. A success for him to figure out what worked. The same, as always, a process.

I got two rejections today. I haven't had an acceptance in a long time. I actually don't want to think about how long, to actually give it a frame. I stopped submitting at all for some time, so I can't expect to get acceptances, now, right? Further demonstrated by


So I lied about stopping this one. I'll make the other one look pretty and professional, a writer needs a professional(writers are very business-like, conferences, name tags)image or place to say, "This is my life's work, take me seriously. I need you."

I need you.

Contour

Please find me here: upturnedface

It's very professional. You should take a look.

NaNoWriMo, 2011

I did it again! This year was easier and more difficult. It was both. This story came out more coherently and with more structure than the last, but the structure of the experience made it feel a little less exciting. Last year I had no idea what I was capable of. This year I had confidence but was also scared I couldn't pull it off again.

I love that the month of writing pushes you to just create and worry about editing later. I love that it teaches you to sit and write every day, that every day you have something to contribute. It is a strange experience to spend so much time in your head with new people. I'd be thinking about Mina's pit bull or thinking about how I need to give Anna more attention. Mina was the attention hog. I would be eating breakfast and have an idea-- "Oh! This is going to happen!" Or, "Oh, this has to happen." It was challenging and saddening to think about creating a relationship and then showing its cracks and then letting the women decide what they wanted for themselves.

I don't want to sound like one of those writers, those, "The characters just talk to me, they do. I have conversations with them when I'm in the tub." It's not like that at all. Writing is work; it is the brain firing with complete focus. The other stuff sounds clever and maybe exciting, but it takes away from the fact that it is very, very hard to write. It just is. And having conversations with people that others cannot see or hear is usually very scary-- from what I've heard from people who do this daily.

So. I'm set to edit. I have a clear plan and I know the story's weak points and what needs to be further developed. It feels almost as amazing to finish 50,000 words in a month as to know I'm on such firm ground with the story.

Hey, agent who contacted me a year and a half ago, I'm ready for you!

Pushcart nomination!

Unsaid's editor, David McLendon, nominated my story "Scouts" to be in the running!

What pride and gratitude! Exuberance!

Lithuania was Exhausting it was Exhausting to do that Letter Thing so Here:

L: Literary Death Match. I did not win; I did not Milosz in my sights and kiss him with a lipsticked nerf gun dart. But I did laugh and blush and had a great evening. I'm glad I got over my nerves and performed.

M: Milosz

N: Nude Beach! Yes! You could pick which one: both genders or just women. It was incredible to be on a beach with just naked ladies. I wish I could do that more often. And not for some pervo reason-- it was great to be with all ages, feelings comfortable and free in the sun and waves. And, no wet bathing suits= major plus.

MENTAL PROTUBERANCE: A GIRL ON A MOTORCYCLE

MENTAL PROTUBERANCE: A GIRL ON A MOTORCYCLE
MENTAL PROTUBERANCE: A GIRL ON A MOTORCYCLE
MENTAL PROTUBERANCE: A GIRL ON A MOTORCYCLE
MENTAL PROTUBERANCE: A GIRL ON A MOTORCYCLE
MENTAL PROTUBERANCE: A GIRL ON A MOTORCYCLE
MENTAL PROTUBERANCE: A GIRL ON A MOTORCYCLE
MENTAL PROTUBERANCE: A GIRL ON A MOTORCYCLE
MENTAL PROTUBERANCE: A GIRL ON A MOTORCYCLE

MENTAL PROTUBERANCE
MENTAL PROTUBERANCE
MENTAL PROTUBERANCE
MENTAL PROTUBERANCE

A GIRL ON A MOTORCYCLE
A GIRL ON A MOTORCYCLE
A GIRL ON A MOTORCYCLE
A GIRL ON A MOTORCYCLE

MENTAL MOTORCYCLE
GIRL PROTUBERANCE
MENTAL GIRL ON A PROTUBERANCE
PROTUBERANCE GIRL ON A MOTORCYCLE

Lithuania: K

Me, again. This is my blog, right? Okay. I'm standing in the wall of heroes. It is green, red and yellow and has tiles of names of people who were important in gaining Lithuania's independence from Russia. You could also walk through it through people shaped holes. This was across the river, outside of Old Town, near a large highway and rundown, half built apartments.

I spent this entire day by myself, walking in the cold and the grey. I was over-talkative the day before and had an extrovert hangover.

*And just so you don't get the wrong idea-- the two photos I took of myself are among four such photos on the trip. I am not the sort of blog gal who has a section titled "photos of me." Not that there is anything wrong with that-- well, no, there probably is something wrong with that. To be seen in a bathroom mirror holding a phone is tacky. It just is. If you have to have that bathroom self-portrait, find a way to not include the phone in it. It's not hard to do. Or does having the phone contribute something to the larger cultural movement of Internet and media sharing? To show the phone shows that you are a participant in a major brain shift to processing images through a real time filter- to experience something is to experience it on a screen as it happens in front of you. A remove that is then made virtual. Anyway, those are the few photos of my face from the trip.