Monday, June 27, 2011

7 Extraordinary Things You Must Know This Instant

1) "Maxi" dresses are 7x more obscene than "mini" dresses. Firstly, they are almost all made of jersey. Jersey is extraordinarily clingy. Jersey will show just how ill-fitting your underpants are. It will enhance the lumpy and bumpy parts of your legs and your rear-end. Secondly, the name. Please. In conclusion, "maxi" dresses end up being much more explicitly "showy" than a mini.

2) In 7 days I am cutting ties with my iPhone. I am saying good-riddance to bad garbage.* Although I worry that my brain will not develop and evolve like others of my generation and of the Internet generation, I am saying "no thanks" to hyper-connection. That worry about my brain is founded, by the way. I worry about that already because I cannot use facebook without feeling like I'm at a party where everyone is talking and I am overwhelmed by the noise and the self-centeredness. (And I am aware of how self-centered blogging is, thank you!)This is old-fashioned and it is not okay. I will just have to go it alone.

3) I am trading in both generations of my iPhone for Amazon money. I also feel awful about this. But then I think about conflict metals and I am a little less ashamed of using Amazon to get cash for a new camera. But then I feel ashamed of not supporting a local camera store with my hard-earned cash. And then I think about how snobby the local camera stores are and then maybe I feel okay about getting a camera from an anonymous, push all the little guys out store. In the end, I just want to get wicked pictures of Lithuania and I cannot afford a new camera without some help.

4)For the first time in my life I am afraid of being homesick. Truly and deeply and astonishingly homesick. This fear is taking most of the excitement out of planning my trip. I'll be leaving a month! I'll be studying with Edward Hirsch! Whoa! Oh, to be connected to a family and to have my own wants. It is very hard.

5)Uh huh.

* An acknowledgment: work got me a BlackBerry so I can use the map function for site visits. Apple's map function is much easier and smarter than BB's. So, in theory I will still be plugged in-- but not really and no personal info is on the work phone.

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